Sifoddling Along

By Marilyn Carnell

Writing an article once a month sounds easy enough and usually very do-able. This month I am suffering from a severe case of writer’s block (the fancy term is agraphia).

Possible topics race through my brain only to be swatted down like flies. Nah, boring. Nah, too much work to research the topic . Nah, politics is off limits. Nah, no one in their right mind would find THAT interesting.

There is nothing like a looming deadline to activate the senses. In my case, it is one of imminent doom. I have already written articles about going back to school and my connections with people who were close to the events of 9/11. Wait. I just thought of a topic:

Last week I had a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. Big words for saying that my alimentary canal has been closely examined from one end to another. The procedures went well, but the anesthetic did a real number on me. I can report that the preparation for the peek into my insides have not improved over the years. It takes several disruptive days ending with drinking a gallon of a noxious brew that is likely used to interrogate spies. I know I would have confessed to almost any heinous crime and suggested a few more with murder of the inventor of this concoction among the top ten.

This year a special twist was added. I was to drink 8 ounces of the fluid every 10 minutes the night before and finish it off the next morning four hours before leaving the house for my appointment. My 8:40 appointment meant I had to start drinking at 4:40 am. Fearful I would not hear the alarm, I slept very little, but I got there on time, and they kept me so busy that I hardly felt the prick of the needle that sent me into oblivion.

I am pleased to report that my internal pathway passed all tests. Now all I have to do is fight my way out of this fog.

If you want to read the funniest account about a colonoscopy, Google Dave Barry’s Essay “A Journey into my Colon – and Yours” on February 22, 2008: amp.miamiherald.com. I guarantee a belly laugh.