Cookin' With Leo

By Leocthasme

Well, it was bound to happen. These long hot Texas summer days are not the kind of days that you would be prepared to ward off figments of imagination and other fanaticized fairies of sorts with a sprig of garlic and a medal of the Blessed Virgin tied around your neck. Thus the inevitable happened. My Dear Sweet Italian Fairy Godmother showed up all in a dither about how long it has been since she last visited me.

"Hey my li'l Bambino", she sez (she never says), how come you no conjure (Conjure I wondered, where the hell has she been hanging out? [Don't ask!]) me up no more?"

"Well, Dear Sweet Italian Fairy Godmother, I have not been avoiding you, if that is what you mean, it's just that I can not absorb all the wonderful things that you inspire me with (that should have surprised her a bit, but she continued on anyway).

"Hey you no foola' me, you always out here in the shade with a tall cold one, justa' waitin' fer me to come by and bring nice new recipes for you, jus so you impress alla' you friends." (Now I had to soothe her ruffled feathers, so to speak).

"Gee, Dear Sweet Italian Fairy Godmother, you should know I never impress anybody with your wonderful, inspirational, impartations that you impress upon me. I pass on all the magnificently tasty things you inspire me with to the rest of mankind, so that they can share in the delights of all your, out of this world, innovations, whatever."

That last one caught My Dear Sweet Italian Fairy Godmother off guard, for the moment anyway, and she fluttered about the patio a bit to recoup her thoughts. "OK", she sez, "you not gonna' get too smart for me. But, I make you little smart anyway. I got good Italian recipe for how to make beef and pasta."

"My gosh, Dear Sweet Italian Fairy Godmother, you have given me enough Italian meat and pasta recipes that if I started now to put them all in a book I would never get done in a hundred years of writing."

"Maybe", she sez, "but this is very best one. I find out you ancestor raided Caesar's Palace long time ago, an' run off with all his writings, but he missa' one. So I go to secret vault where he hid it from the Gauls. Dem Frenchmen tink dey know everting about how to cook, but dey no see nuttin' yet. We gonna' show 'em a ting or two."

"Well, gee, Dear sweet Italian Fairy Godmother, if you can make me as smart as one of them Fancified French Food Fabricators; you sure will have accomplished something."

Shazamm, pow, whatever, with the Dear Sweet Italian Fairy Godmother magic wand thing, and she was gone. But, now I have a great new Italian recipe for beef and pasta. And, the best French Chefs in Paris could never duplicate this one because even if they stole it from Caesar's Palace they never learned how to read Latin. Everybody knows that, why do you think they drop all those letters at the end of their words? They never found out how to pronounce them, that's why. Pretty hard to read Latin if you drop half the letters or slur them over. Them Gaul, Imperial Rome Raiders, turned Frenchmen, should send me the Stolen Book and I will interpret it for them and the rest of the world too, of course.

Ok, let's get started with REAL Italian Beef and Pasta that not a Frenchman anywhere could ever replicate, however.

This is what you will need:

• 1 lb - boneless beef sirloin steak, cut about ½ inch thick.
• 1 - tblspn Olive Oil.
• 1 - medium white onion, chopped fine.
• 1 - large clove garlic, chopped fine.
• 1 - tspn Italian Seasoning.
• 1 - can, ready to serve, Beef Broth, about 14 or 15 ounces.
• 1 - can, 14-16 oz Italian Style, diced, tomatoes. Not drained.
• 1/3 - cup Dry Italian Red wine.
• ½ - pound small, fresh mushrooms, sliced in half.
• 12 - oz. mostacciolli pasta, uncooked.
• Chopped Fresh Parsley
• Fresh Grated Parmesan Cheese. Look in the Import Stores or the Import Cheese section of your super, for Imported Italian Cheese, better than the stuff in the plastic containers. Buy a piece that you can grate fresh. It should say Aged, and Imported From Italy.

(You need to understand that if I specify expensive ingredients, it is because this is 'showcase' cooking, this ain't something you are gonna' toss out for a quick supper. So, if you know ol' Leo C., you should have gotten, by now at least, the idea that preparing good food requires good ingredients. If you have my cookbook; check out 'Rules To Cook Leo's Recipes By'. If you don't have a copy, Order One! Through our webmaster, only 25 bucks, includes shipping, and 5 bucks to support Pencil Stubs Online which maintains our Website for all the future generations of Cooking Enthusiasts who may be inclined to become great chefs, and earn gobs of money in such lifelong pursuits, just like me, of course, whatever.)

OK, let's get back to the job of cooking, Here is how to prepare this scrumptious dish, which came directly from the buried vaults of Caesar's Palace, wherever, and brought to you exclusively by Pencil Stubs Online and Ol' Leocthasme, his self, with a little help at times from the world of fantasy, wherever.

Trim any fat from the piece of beefsteak cut it in half lengthwise and then cut each piece into ¼ inch strips. In a Dutch Oven heat the oil, do not burn or let it smoke. Brown the beef, half at a time, if necessary to be sure all is browned on the outside. Do not overcook or over heat, just want the outside to be brown. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside. Add the onion to the same pot, with garlic and seasoning, along with a few tablespoons of the beef broth. Cook and stir about 2 minutes until the onions are tender. Add the remaining broth, tomatoes, wine, mushrooms, and the uncooked pasta. Stir and bring to a boil. Now reduce heat to a slow simmer. Cover tightly with the Dutch Oven Lid, and let simmer for about 20 to 25 minutes, or until pasta is tender but not mushy. Remove from heat, but you can use a 'warm' burner, and return the meat to the pot. Mix together, the mixture should be saucy. Cover and let stand on warm for a few minutes. Should serve about 4 plates, and sprinkle with cheese and parsley when serving

Some Garlic bread and a nice tossed salad, with some of that good Italian Dry Red Wine will complete the meal. .