On The Other Hand

By Connie A. Anast

Changing jobs is about the most stressful thing anyone can do. I have had the pleasure of changing jobs several times in the past few years, and have come to a few revelations when it comes to employment. I would like to share them with you now, for better or worse, the majority of these things apply to the majority of jobs out there in the big, bad world. Take them for what they are worth.

1. It’s not Who you know or What you know, it’s how high your skirt is. You think this is a joke, but I have seen it in action. Complete idiots without much more than a Jr. High School education can soar to great heights with a classic black mini. I was considered for a position recently as an Administrative Assistant in a Human Resources office, which, by certification, I was more than qualified for. In fact, the person who I would have been replacing was the one to recommend me to the higher bosses. I was told that I wasn’t going to be considered because I didn’t have administration experience. When I pointed out that I not only had experience, but I had over five years of that same experience, I was told the position was being re-opened. Okay, I can take a hint. Two days later, they hired a tall, blonde, size 4 Barbie-clone who had no college experience and a fantastic smile. I was not amused.

2. The higher you go up the corporate ladder, the less and less the employee knows. You want the skinny on what is going on in the office? Talk to the person in the mailroom. I have found more useful information from the so-called pee-ons than any Director of Individualized Information Gathering of ACME Corporation. I have been in a situation, actually right now, where the VP of Operations and the Director of Purchasing/Procurement/Supply Chain Management both quit, and the employees were more panicked about MY two-week notice than their's! The people who are the support staff, who rarely make the big money, are the heart and soul of any operation, not the Managers. It’s high time someone paid these people what they are worth.

3. Keep your mouth shut until you see who is around the corner. Simplistic. Easy to understand, and yet, so very vital. Office gossip will kill your chances of promotion faster than Dennis Rodman’s attempt at a fashion line. Of course, I am not above collecting information; everyone needs to know what is going on. Just don’t be the one spreading those vicious rumors that are usually 10% based in truth. And be careful not to state your opinion of your bosses toupee until you check under the bathroom door…you never know who is hiding in there.

4. Nice Resume’, but can you Golf? How many times have you been in an interview and felt fabulous about your qualifications and yet can’t get past the front gate? Half of the battle is knowing your audience. You can use all the buzz-words in the twenty-something-vocabulary-of higher-employment and not get as far as if you notice the golf ball on the Manager’s desk. Even a little comment about the last time you enjoyed a round of golf can break the barriers and have the interviewer wanting to know more about you and your skills. But be careful not to over-emphasize your passion for golf…they may be fearful for their own position if you are hired.

5. Drugs and interviewing are a no-no. I don’t mean Meth or Cocaine or all those happy drugs most of us don’t even do, let alone do in a job interview. I am talking caffeine…and cold medicine. Bad, bad combination. You are hyper and groggy at the same time, which would lead a potential employer to wonder which members of your family married each other. If you are sick, take my advice and try re-scheduling, with the excuse that you wouldn’t want anyone in their office to become sick as well. You’d be surprised at how fast they will find a new interviewing date.

I could seriously go on forever on this subject, but I think you might revolt, so I will keep it short. Above all, my friends, remember never to settle. Believe in yourself and your abilities, and it will always shine through when you are looking for a job. Don’t hesitate to put many, many people on your reference list, one of them is bound to say something nice about you! And always follow up. Three days is a great time frame, unless you are told different. And don’t take rejection personally, you were interviewing THEM after all, and THEY didn’t meet your expectations!

Good luck and much love to you all.