On The Other Hand

By Connie A. Anast

A close friend of mine has fallen in love. It is a beautiful thing, to see two souls who were meant for each other, finally connect, supporting and improving their lives. His new love is from Hong Kong, of Chinese descent, and a wonderful, funny lady.

On the Millenium New Year, she shared with us a family tradition that I would like to share with you. I know, you usually expect me to rant and rave and get up on my gold-plated soapbox to enlighten (yeah, right) or enflame. But not this time, not this column. Maybe I'm getting old and philosophical, but I think you will enjoy it nonetheless.

We met our friends for dinner early in the evening. We came into the dining room where each place was set with a pair of chopsticks, napkins, teacups, and a small plate. In the center of the table sat a large electric skillet, which resembled a high-sided Crockpot, filled with a light brown broth set to a rolling boil. Surrounding the skillet were bowls of tofu, thinly sliced raw chicken and beef, vegetables, Chrysanthemum greens, fish balls, shrimp, Chinese dumplings, and bottles of every kind of sauce you could imagine.

We were offered traditional Chinese tea in black or jasmine and were asked to place any combination of the foods in front of us into the large skillet to cook. We each placed beef and dumplings, tofu and shrimp, whatever looked good, all together to cook at the same time. We could then take our chopsticks and reach in, grab our selection, place it on our saucers or pop it into our mouths.

As a group, we sat around the table for quite a while, dropping, picking, dipping, laughing and it was one of the most enchanting evenings I have ever had. As I thought about it a little more, I realized that this Chinese dinner was truly a metaphor in so many ways to the lives we lead and our attitudes toward them.

We are given a wide selection of ingredients to add to our lives; careers, interests, education, hobbies, religions, causes, cultures, arts, music, humanities, and so much more. We choose who we would like to join us on our journey, surrounding ourselves with the people who are supportive, hopefully, and just as eager to contribute to the common end.

Then we begin to make choices. Some good (sliced beef with Hoi Sun Sauce) and some bad (Fish ball with Soy---yuck!), but we always have the opportunity to dip our fingers into something different and go another direction.

And all the while, contributing a little here and taking a little there, laughing and enjoying all that we have in front of us, all that we have beside us, to nourish our inner beings and to soothe our souls.

My hope for all of us is that we can remember that we are never stationary, our lives are always changing. We are blessed with so many hidden treasures, we will never have time to discover them all. But looking for them is just as wonderful.

I have learned a lot from my new Chinese friend. She has taught me that the way you treat yourself has a lot to do with how you treat other people. Her influence has encouraged me to stop smoking after a 6-year habit, to begin to exercise, to make time with those most important to me and to laugh all day long if possible. Good Lessons, eh? Wait, there's more:
I also learned that, sometimes, you need to hold on to the shrimp with your chopsticks so someone else doesn't grab it before you do.

And, sometimes, let the shrimp go. It will make someone else happy.