Mike's Place

By Michael L. Craner

Each month I look for things to write about in my column. Ordinarily these are things that jump out and really grab my attention, usually by getting me riled up, or provoking a longer than usual train of thought while I attempt to sort out the situation and my feelings regarding such.

To start from the beginning, I will have to go back about three weeks. I returned home from a week in Montreal where I was trained on the equipment I have been working with for the past 9 months. Anyway, as I sit down to my desk at home and begin sorting out the half ton of school papers, hair clips and elastics from my daughter, countless pieces of crayons, toys, etc, I come across a couple of pretty drawings done in crayon. The style is unfamiliar, and as I look closer at it I discover it is a first grade love letter, more drawings than sweet poetic lines of romance, and much neater than the "artistic" stylings of my 7 year old son. No real surprise, he’s had a thing for the opposite sex since he started walking, and he is a fine looking young man, taking after his father.

Anyway, I felt that while this was cute, I should do that parental thing and tease him a bit about having a girlfriend, then warn him that he should not be passing notes, but rather focusing on his lessons. Especially since this is his second go around with first grade. Then I threw the papers away, because, after all, they were on MY desk, and only MY stuff is allowed there, and also as a way to show him that these "letters" really aren’t appropriate.

A few weeks later, bringing us to the present time of this writing, he has since brought home a few more love letters, though for the most part we didn’t pay much attention, at least I didn’t. My wife may have said something to him, but we never really made big deal out of it. Now a couple days ago he brought home a letter from the principal. It seems that he had made a few drawings of his own, which his sweetheart took home and proudly displayed for her parents. Now, her folks found the idea of their first grader bringing home love letters to be a very bad thing. So they sent them back to the teacher and complained. The teacher referred my son to the principal who wrote up the report and disciplined my son.

It seems you just can’t do anything anymore. I mean these were innocent drawings of stick figures holding hands, with hearts for eyes, and "I love You" written several times. I suppose the worst one of the bunch was two stick figures, one apparently in a wedding dress, holding a baby stick figure, next to another stick figure who appeared to be wearing a black suit. (With hearts for eyes, of course!). Captioned above the groom was the badly misspelled phrase, "Babe, you are sexy".

The principal and parents of the girl seem to think that this is "VERY INAPPROPRIATE" behavior, that "will get him into a lot of trouble." The report cited the rule broken as "Display of affection". For this, terrible offense, he lost his recess privileges for a day, was given a writing assignment, and was issued this report to bring home, which is #2 for him for this year so far. One more and they can administer corporeal punishment, (with my permission of course), but that is another topic of discussion.

So now I have to sign the report, and do my duty to my son and write a letter back to the principal ratting out on the little tart that got him in trouble in the first place. (Who, by the way, suddenly approached him the day after he got the report and told him "I don’t love you anymore!".) (Now I remember why I didn’t much like girls when I was his age.) I also invited the principal to call me at my office if she wanted to discuss this further or to set up an appointment to decide what we should do with our little social deviant.

Well, she called me up, thanking me for the letter, and assured me she would have a talk with the young lady and her parents. She also attempted to defend her position, stating she had to take action because of the complaint from the girls parents, and that sexual harassment is a very serious thing. "SEXUAL HARASSMENT!" Did she really say that? My 7-year-old is accused of sexual harassment? Didn’t she read my letter? Doesn’t sexual harassment consist of unwanted advances, touching, or comments which make others uncomfortable? Is this possible when BOTH parties are involved, passing the same type of notes to each other?

Ok, I got over that, I calmed down. I agree this sort of thing probably shouldn’t be allowed to continue. Of course how you handle these things make a big difference too. Lets think about the big picture now, the real lesson we are teaching the children.

Display of Affection:

Not good. Better to remain stoic and inhuman than show anyone you care.

We should all set the proper example for children by never kissing, hugging, holding hands, or expressing love. We live in the age of technology. We should behave as sterile as the PC I am typing this up on.

While we’re at it, we better cancel Valentines Day. This is where public schools teach children how to make hearts and pictures and love notes for the sweethearts they aren’t allowed to express themselves to, or even have for that matter.

Sexual Harassment:

Anything you want to use to get back at anyone else for whatever reason you can think of. (I’m sorry, I know there are a lot of legitimate cases of sexual harassment, but I have also seen far too many which are without merit and used as vehicles of destruction against other individuals and companies.)

Reactions:

Reactions are everything. This is what a child REALLY sees. That’s why they push our buttons, to see what happens. If the reaction is positive, (in their own perspective and logic), they will push the button again. If it is negative, they may wait a while and see what happens later. We have to react to improper behavior in a stern manner, but how stern? Too stern, the child learns to hate, too lax, and they miss the message and do it again, usually pushing just a bit further. Also, if in the infinite wisdom of the "Judge/Executioner" true justice is denied, (Like punishing with a lack of evidence, or without hearing both sides of the story), you will cause the child to be distrusting of authority, and resentful of everyone.

Lessons Learned:

What have I learned through all of this? From now on, I will save everything. If ever again one of my kids gets accused of sexual harassment, I just might build a case and sue for libel and defamation of character. That’ll sure show ‘em, right? Yep, then they’ll start digging up MY past, and the next thing you know we’ll have a battle royal going on that would make a political campaign look like a couple kids scuffling in a schoolyard.

But Seriously Folks. . .Let's remember that they are just kids, maybe lacking a little self-discipline, but certainly emulating what they see. If my son’s perception of love involves a member of the opposite sex, heart felt emotion, marriage, and children. . .I think he’s doing just fine.