Drowning Inside

By M. Jay Mansfield

I wear these goggles
out here in the wasteland
not to keep water out
but to keep tears in

I keep my pains silent and personal
I’m drowning on the inside
drowning on the inside
With a quick smile I make it all marginal

I must be strong too much depends on it
They all look at me, already trying to prop me up
Oh how they would wail if they knew the depth
So I smile to protect them from themselves, is that corrupt?

I wrap my face not to keep dust out but to keep the sobs in
oh those precious moments when I am truly alone
When I can collapse and I can cry furiously with abandon
Those precious moments when I understand mortalities humor

I wear these masks not to scare you but to hide my own horror
I can’t bear to look in the mirror anymore
I would not force you to see me either
what a shameful existence for the truth bearer

I wear my snorkel not to bring in air
But to make sure I don’t pollute your ocean with my pain
as I lay in it’s waters wishing I had the nerve to go under
I know as you do tomorrow I will return and everything will be the same

©9-17-2011 MJMansfield