Rain

By Lseeker

Looking upon the valley before me, a small tear traces the line of my face, down to my cheek and off onto the ground I stand upon. The clouds above are threatening. And I can remember praying that the sky would unleash its fury--allowing my tears to be silently hidden, in the cool and cleansing rain.

But no rain came. So I stand here silently, looking out across a grove of orange trees, with another scarce forest of tall oaks in the background. And as another tear runs slowly down my face, I remember how I came to be upon the hill, with the wind, and the grace of God's beauty before me. For in the back of my mind I was still cursing the existence of life, and the name of God. Yelling and screaming in pain, fury and anger.

Funny how God led me here. Funny how He held my hand and walked me to this valley, this ridge, this moment in life: to hear the flaps of wings from crows as they make their way south for the winter; to see the wonder of other hills and mountains before me--with rocks jagging out from their sides, like castles made from bone; to feel the cool breeze as it whips up from the valley below, and calms the beat of my heart. All around is peaceful, alone, and tranquil. Yet another tear drops from my sad face, as I hear the echo of my own thoughts. "To feel everyone's emotions is to be truly gifted...."

The echoes quickly fade into screams that bounce off the walls of the valley. The world swirls and the pitch increases. The answers are so close, yet so far. If I could only jump the depths of my own mind's hell... "We create our own happiness," another echo of my thoughts that quickly becomes another scream of taunting. Then I hear myself laugh, a laugh of a cold heart, no longer filled with cares, but evil desires. A laugh no longer wanting to fight, but to fold in upon itself. For my emotions are stretched to their boundaries, and scream silently with the echo of my mind's thoughts.

I find myself falling to the ground, and landing hard upon my knees, which in turn, sends a shock of pain through my body. But the pain isn't registering, or even being felt over the twitching, wrestling, pondering, emotional battle being fought deep within. Moments pass into minutes, minutes pass into hours, and soon the world is a deep dark twilight. Yet no stars grace the skies, only the rolling thunder clouds. And the black specks of crows that have lessened in number.

I slowly raise my head from the ground, and my eyes glance upon a lone tree long past living. The branches barren, charred and twisted, like arms chaotically reaching for the unreachable, while its burned and charred trunk stands split-- gapping open from the cracking whip of lighting that touched it in the last storm. Or perhaps the storm before, or before... Again my mind races, trying to focus, searching for answers, without knowing the questions. And my soul calls out in rage to the only God it knows, hoping for any sign, any shooting star through parted clouds. Another moment, and no answers, no signs, no star shows through parted clouds. Only the calming, though sporadic, wind, and the dark clouds that still fail to grace me with their gift of cleansing rain.

The last call of a hawk, while it looks upon the hill side for its prey, is heard in the distance. I hear the shuffle of leaves from a nearby orange tree, as it drops an orange to the grove's floor. There is a glimpse of wings from a sparrow as it dives into a bush. With a break in the wind, as the storm decides to change its course, a single drop of rain lightly touches the tip of my nose, then drops to the ground. My mind stops racing, my soul stops yelling, and I find myself calm once more upon a hill overlooking a grove of orange trees. Watching silently as the storm threatens overhead, I rise to stand with a smile of peace and love, of understanding and warmth. And as another tear slowly makes its way down the side of my face I silently mumble "Thank you, God."