Do they breed Subaru’s?

By Mark Crocker

This may seem strange even for me but I have come to the conclusion that they do not build, make, or even manufacture Subaru’s.

Instead I have come to the belief that they breed Subaru’s.

Odd that that idea might be, it has much to do with what I have observed in the past few weeks since I made up my mind to get myself a newer Subaru.

Traveling around I have noticed a lot of Subaru’s on the road.

There are Subaru wagons, sedans, something crossed between a small pickup truck and a sedan; there are Brats, Legacy’s, Outback’s, Impreza, Baja’s, Legacy, Foresters, DL’s, GT’s Justy’s the list goes on and on.

Now is it because Subaru’s are tough that they are so popular or is it because they are good on gas. Is it because they seem to be able to handle the snow with the ease of a team of huskies? I don’t know. But I can tell you that the Subaru is a good winter car and a good snow car. In fact while driving home from work one morning I saw about 15 Subaru’s on the trip home. More than any other vehicle on the road at that time.

So why so many Subaru’s? Well there are just too many for one company to make them. So I have come to the belief that they don’t make Subaru’s they breed them. Maybe there are ranches and farms dotted around the world in remote areas where farmers and ranchers breed Subaru’s in secret.

Great herds of Legacy’s grazing in remote valleys quietly driving though fields of green sweet grass. Growing from tiny little infant legacy’s to full grown legacy’s whose days are spent doing as they please until that wonderful day when they are ready to go to market and be sold to dealers.

I can see it now. Herds and herds of Subaru’s kind of like the huge herds of bison that once roamed across the central plains.

Maybe one day there will be “the society for the prevention of cruelty to Subaru’s” or a “Subaru rights movement” or a “Subaru sanctuary”.

Is the national geographic society going to send someone off to document the secret life of the Subaru?

What would happen if you crossed a Subaru Brat with a Subaru DL?

Oh so that is where the Subaru Baja comes from. It’s a hybrid between a Subaru brat and a Forester.

Maybe there is a mad scientist on a ranch someplace breeding new Subaru hybrids? Mix and matching one kind of Subaru with another so that one day there will be a monster truck Subaru?

Or maybe the mad scientist will come up with a Subaru that does not need a driver; or to go in for oil changes?

Still there are just way too many Subaru’s around for anyone to be building them. They have to be bred. I mean it's plain and simple.

What do Subaru’s get up to at night when we park them in our driveways and garages. Do they sneak out and get together and talk about how we treat them? Do they go out to gas bar’s and drink all night long just to make it home in time for us to wake up and drive them some place?

That might explain why some mornings they are hard to start. Coughing and wheezing like old men that have been out all night drinking and have not had enough sleep. I am sure that Subaru’s are living breathing vehicles. I mean after all we feed them they breathe air as we do. And some seem to have minds of their own.

Take my old trusty Subaru DL wagon.

Talk nicely to her and she will try hard to do anything that you want. Ask her nicely to go faster and she will try her hardest to go as fast as she can. I have often had full conversations with my dear sweet Subaru DL where she has seemed to answer my questions. True most of the time the conversation is one sided. But her responses are mostly in the tone of her engine which at times sounds like a voice. But sadly she is getting old and having a hard time getting around.

I often wonder if my Subaru DL has had children. Younger Subaru’s that are on the road driving alone, continuing the blood line of my sweet tempered Subaru. Maybe I should see if there is a retirement home near by that I can take her to so that she can live out her last days in a relaxed place where she can drive free and once again feel fresh sweet grass under her wheels.

So where are the farms and ranches that raise Subaru’s?