Thinking Out Loud

By Gerard Meister

My constant readers know that I am retired and living the good life in Florida. You know, the whole nine yards: a lovely house with a pool in a gated community; the obligatory golf course plus 30 tennis courts and a gym about half the size of Yankee Stadium.

The golfers have it made in the shade, the pro makes up foursomes if need be and assigns tee times. But the tennis players (and I fancy myself an ace on the courts, at least amongst the octogenarians) have to set up their own games – court time and players – and therein lies the rub, as witnessed by the telephone conversation I had with my group captain last week:

Ring………ring

Me: Hello.

Murray, the captain: Gerry, it’s me – Murray. Irving told me that he’s playing for you in our Thursday game. But I’m missing a player, so can you play anyway?

Me: You got that mixed up, Murray. Irv can’t play, so I’m playing for him. Got It?

Murray: Gee, then we’re missing a player; Sy is sick.

Me: Did you try the other Sy? See if he can play.

Murray: Which other Sy?

Me: The shorter one.

Murray: They’re both short.

Me: Yeah, I guess you’re right on that one. I mean the one that doesn’t hear too well.

Murray: I never call him anymore. If you don’t get his wife on the phone you might as well be talking to a wall.

Me: So we might not have a game. Did you check the sub list?

Murray: Oh, right. I think that there’s a new guy on the sub list.

Me: So did you call him?

Murray: Call who?

Me: I don’t know his name.

Murray: You want me to call someone, but you don’t know his name?

Me: No, Murray – I meant the new guy that you said was on the list.

Murray: Oh, that guy, – let’s see, um – his name is Fred.

Me: Yeah, Murray – that guy. Did you call him?

Murray: Well, I will if I can ever get off the damn phone.

Me: I hear you, captain, I hear you. See you Thursday.

As it turned out, Thursday’s game was a pretty decent one. After being introduced all around the new guy more than held his own except for one little thing: he called me Oscar throughout the entire game. 