Introspective

By Thomas F. O'Neill

A very young child will stumble many times when learning how to walk but the stumbling does not make them a failure at walking. Through their innate drive and determination they continue to pick themselves up so that they master the art of walking.

The failures in life are not the ones who fall flat on their face; they are the ones who remain flat on their face. On the other hand, the champions in life are the ones who pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and through their determination they succeed.

Throughout his life, Lamont Fargo suffered from bouts of depression that demobilized him for two to three weeks at a time. The depressions usually hit him in a two or three year cycle. He usually bounced back from these depressive states but shortly after he turned 46 he fell into a depression that landed him in a hospital.

In his dark periods he has suicidal thoughts, feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, and he will not get out of bed. He will try to sleep for days on end with no appetite for food. In the hospital he was given one on one therapy and group therapy to help him find coping mechanisms to deal with his depression more effectively.

The Psychiatrist told Lamont that there is a chemical imbalance in his brain that causes him to suffer with major depression. The medication that was administered to him slowly brought him out of the fog and helped him overcome his dark thoughts. After four months of hospitalization he was released.

After a time, he went against the advice of his psychiatrist and went off his medication. The dark thoughts eventually returned and he used every fiber of determination to overcome the depression but finally the darkness got the upper hand. In this period he found himself in and out of the hospital but something inside would not let him end his life.

He usually had enough leave at work to carry him through the dark periods, but the last depressive episode and voluntary commitment resulted in the loss of his job. After twenty years of being a police officer and even a detective he found himself unemployed. Through the help of his Psychiatrist he was placed on disability. The department classified him as unfit for duty.

He was never married and he has no children to support but the little money he received made his life a bit difficult. He learned to live on his monthly checks though after he moved into a small apartment. He describes his apartment as his cave of solitude. He's found he has more time to read and that meditating helps him relax. He tries his best to overcome his difficulties by controlling his thoughts.

As a police detective he had earned a reputation of being a highly gifted crime solver. Lamont told his superiors that throughout his life he was highly intuitive. His intuition came in the form of knowing things without reason. He explained his gift to his superiors and others as “flashes of intuition or flashes of knowing.” These intuitive flashes would just come to him, sometimes overwhelmingly. He at times would pick up others thoughts, emotions, and feelings; Those inner communications, as he would describe them, guided him along when solving difficult cases.

He is also more receptive then the average person to his own inner communications. He told his psychiatrist that he would understand things and know things without reason or logic. He also had experiences of talking out loud as if he was witnessing the crime he was investigating. These beyond normal intuitive flashes always intensify prior to his psychological collapses.

His Psychiatrist wrote in Lamont’s file, “Mr. Fargo’s overly heightened internal sensitivity is due to his life long struggle with depression.” He told Lamont that his experiences are, “a combination of the chemical imbalance in your brain and your internal drive to overcome the unset of depression. What you describe as your great gift is also resulting in your depressive states.”

He told his Psychiatrist that alcohol dulls these intense experiences, “There were times I found myself late at night sitting in a bar drinking. Those late nights of drinking soon turned into early afternoons of drinking, but eventually depression would overwhelm me and consume me for weeks.”

He rarely leaves his apartment or as he would put it, “my cave of solitude.” Still classified as unfit for service as a police detective and living on disability. He was never completely forgotten by some of the members of the police department. They never forgot his remarkable gift of solving difficult cases and they continue to call upon him for help.

When the phone calls came he once again felt useful and he continued to go out of his way to help his old friends. His gift eventually caught the attention of other law enforcement agencies and they too called upon him for help. He did not meet with them in person, nor want his identity known.

With the help of his friends he was given an 800 number for anonymity. People calling him from other law enforcement agencies do not know his name or his location and he never accepts monetary compensation for his service.

Officer Lou Phillips, a former co-worker and friend of Lamont, was a true believer in his friend’s gift. He witnessed it first hand in two cases that were solved a decade earlier.

Officer Phillips' cousin Dan Morris lived in the state of Florida for many years. He eventually became an investigator with the Florida State Police. Detective Morris came to visit his Grandmother and he decided to go out that evening for a few beers at a local Bar.

Officer Phillips and Detective Morris struck up a conversation at the bar as they drank a few beers.

“I’m involved in a missing person case, the disappearance of a University student,” said Dan. “We located her car near a ravine.”

“Do you think she was abducted?” asked Lou.

“Her car hit a tree but there is no sign of her,” Dan said, “The girl’s parents want me to call in a Psychic. I think those self proclaimed psychics are nothing but phony charlatans.”

“Of course there are people out there that are very skilled at separating people from their money through deceptive means, and charlatans will not hesitate to claim psychic abilities to accomplish that goal,” Lou said.

“I think they are all phonies,” Dan said.

“I know someone; he doesn’t claim to be a psychic. He describes his gift as intuition. I had long conversations with him,” Lou said, “He told me that the average person has flashes of intuition but they do not act on it due to their own mistrust or insecurities of what is being communicated to them.”

Lou took a drink of his beer as if searching for words, “its their own internal communications, that is communicated to them, but they don’t act on it,” he said once again, “There are also people who have learned over time to trust their instincts which can also be described as intuition. The more we come to learn about our internal communications. What we call flashes of knowing. The more we come to trust it because it is our truth at that particular moment in time.”

“Intuition and so called Psychic abilities are two different things entirely. I am talking about the New Age mumbo Jumbo,” Dan said.

“There is nothing New under the Sun, Dan. The so called New Age movement has been around for a long, long time,” said Lou, “My friend told me that intuition is the spontaneous act of the soul communicating its knowledge to the conscious mind; it can be a feeling, a symbol that pops into our mind when we are enjoying that relaxing moment. It can be a symbol that comes to us in a dream. For some intuition is knowing something about an event or a person without reason.”

“Sounds like Psychic mumbo jumbo put into scientific terms. What I see is what I believe,” Dan said.

“There is nothing supernatural about intuition it is simply natural. We all have intuitive moments in our lives. But we simply do not develop them to a higher degree,” Lou said, “We place more emphases on our intellect due to our early childhood education. We learn to memorize things from early on and our intellectual abilities become dominant in our lives. We need to develop a balance between our intellectual faculties and what we implicitly know to be true in our heart.”

“Next you will be analyzing my dreams,” Dan said.

“Dreams reveal our inner conflicts,” Lou said, “they give us greater insight into our interpersonal relationships, such as who has our best interest at heart, and who to watch out for. Our dreams can also give us insight as to the path we are on in life and they can guide us in making proper decisions.”

“Yes, on a Psychiatric level interpreting ones dreams is important,” Dan said, “but there is a difference between a Psychiatric interpretation of our dreams and the so called New Age interpretation.”

“I am talking about a holistic approach to dream interpretation,” Lou said, “as we delve deeper into our spiritual nature through meditation or various other spiritual exercises. We come to understand how important our dreams are in communicating knowledge. Our dreams are one way for the subconscious or soul to communicate knowledge to the conscious mind. When we come to a greater understanding of our dreams symbols we come to a greater understanding of ourselves and others.”

“I can agree with that somewhat but I still think we should leave the interpreting to the professionals,” Dan said.

“When we come to a greater understanding of how our dreams communicates knowledge to us. We will be able to understand the dreams of others more clearly,” Lou said, “we will be able to analyze dreams to the point where we can understand how the person thinks and what the person is feeling at that particular moment in time. We will also be able to guide them into gaining a clearer understanding of themselves and the people in their lives.”

“There is nothing wrong with getting to know oneself better,” Dan said, “the danger lies in taking advantage of vulnerable people through deceptive means because they believe in that nonsense.”

“I am not talking about the phonies. I am saying that there are people out there who are genuine,” Lou said, “the more in tune we become to our spiritual nature the closer we move towards altruism. Our motives in life become less egoistic and more altruistic. For the purpose of helping people develop a greater insight into whatever problems they are facing. I know a person like this and he goes out of his way to help people.”

“And how does one achieve these incredible gifts?” Dan asked in a somewhat sarcastic tone.

”Meditation will help you discover and gain a deeper understanding of your spiritual awareness,” Lou said, “as you continue to develop spiritually the lives of those around you become more enhanced. Spiritual development also enhances our understanding that in order for us to be true to others we must first become true to ourselves.”

“What you are saying kind of reminds me of ‘Gandhi’ but how much of the movie was Hollywood and how much of it was historically accurate,” Dan asked, “I just think you are reading too much New Age books.”

“Well I think ‘Gandhi’ would agree that the moment we become true to ourselves is the moment we find ourselves on a truly spiritual altruistic path in life,” Lou said, “it is also the moment we no longer seek financial or any other gain from those we help. We will have a deep spiritual awareness that what we give to others comes back to us in greater fold because what we give to humanity, we give to ourselves, and what we change in ourselves, we change in humanity.”

“I can agree with that in a somewhat way,” Dan said.

”Altruism is also at the opposite end of the egoist moral spectrum because those who seek gain from helping others are operating from their ego and they are the people we need to avoid on our spiritual path to discovery,” Lou said.

“That is absurd we have to make a living in life,” Dan said, “we can’t be purely selfless the economy would come to a screeching halt.”

“I understand where you are coming from but I was talking in reference to the people who claim to be psychic and try to separate us from our money for a reading. They are the people we need to avoid,” Lou said, “if my friend were here I think his advice would be to begin your spiritual journey on your own as you develop spiritually you will begin to attract like minded people into your life. However, you must begin by taking the time during the day or evening to quiet yourself and open yourself up to the essence that makes you truly you.”

“That sounds like sound advice,” Dan said.

“I think my friend can help you,” Lou said as he handed him an 800 number to call.

Detective Dan Morris spent the last twenty years with the Florida State Police, and he would describe himself as a realist. He is a skeptic when it comes to people with that self-proclaimed sixth sense. When it comes to investigating a case, he believes good hard police work is the best way to finding out what happened.

When good, hard police work came up empty in the case of murder victim Julie Houston, Detective Morris relented and turned to the mystical magic of a Coalville, Pennsylvania man.

Julie Houston was a graduate student at the Florida State University. she left the campus and the Police found her car wrecked against a tree on Shadyside Drive ten miles from the University campus. The car was empty, with a large limb resting on top of it.

The police looked everywhere for her. They had no way of knowing whether she was injured, had fallen, or if she'd been picked up by somebody. An extensive search, including helicopters with infrared scanners, boats equipped with sonar, dogs, divers, and more than 300 volunteers, failed to locate her.

Detective Morris was immediately assigned to her case but he had no real leads. The girl’s father kept in contact with him everyday. Julie’s Father and Mother told Detective Morris that they were considering contacting a psychic and wanted to know if he knew one.

"My Cousin told me about a Pennsylvania man who assisted the Police in the past,” he told Julie’s parents, “My cousin is a police officer and swears by this person’s abilities. I will telephone him."

When Detective Morris contacted Lamont, he did not waste time with introductions, Lamont was all business. Detective Morris, provided him with the basics of the case.

“There is a lady's body,” Lamont said, “She is in a cave-like setting with rocks above her. She is situated in the fetal position, and a current of water is running across her legs.”

Detective Morris’s, skepticism soared.

"Monroe is a lake, there isn’t a current,” he told Lamont.

Lamont became silent for a moment, “No there is a current of water running across her legs. She is hurt in a fetal position.”

Detective Morris called him again the next day from the Moores Creek picnic area, an area a short distance from the lake. He was a bit unsettled by how Lamont accurately described where he was standing.

Detective Morris was frustrated by Lamont’s insistence of the running water and the woman in the cavern. It was then that Detective Morris received a call from dispatch informing him that his "article" had been located near Salt Creek ramp, an area a quarter mile from the picnic area.

When Detective Morris arrived there he found an elderly lady laying in a fetal position in a deep ravine. There was a small stream of water running over her legs and a large outcropping of rock above her head.

It wasn't Julie Houston.

He immediately called Lamont, who was sitting in his apartment in Coalville, Pennsylvania. He stopped Detective Morris in mid-sentence and said, “Dear God, It is the wrong body.”

Once Lamont regained his composure, he told Detective Morris that he could help him locate Julie’s body. He instructed him to return to where the car had impacted the tree.

Detective Morris called the 800 number from the site and Lamont began speaking to him as if he was there with him.

"I'm driving down the road and I don't feel too good," he said. "I am with Jimmy he hit me,” he started to weep on the phone, “I am so scared, I lost control of the car. I ran my car into a tree and something has fallen on my head. I'm hurting.”

Detective Morris listened and thought to himself, “is this an act?”

“I'm running now down a hill. Jimmy is mad at me and he is going to hurt me again,” he cried out on the phone.

Lamont then told Detective Morris to proceed to the lake.

Detective Morris called him back from the lake.

“You are just off a small inlet,” Lamont said to him, “is there a large rock in the lake?”

“There is,” he replied.

“Is there a man standing next to a boat?” Lamont asked.

“There is,” came the reply.

At this point Detective Morris was somewhat intimidated and could not quite understand how Lamont with his coal cracker accent sitting in Coalville, PA the heart of the Pennsylvania coal region could accurately describe Moore’s creek in Florida.

“Is he really sitting there in Coalville, Pennsylvania?” Detective Morris thought to himself, “If so it is like he is standing right here next to me. He could see everything I could see."

After a few moments of silence, Lamont with his voice cracking with panic said,

"I want to come up but I can't. Somebody help me. I want to come up. Jimmy put me here I can’t get up."

Nearly a month after the day she crashed her car, Julie’s body was discovered floating near the inlet.

“She had been wearing a bulky sweater,” Dan told Lou on the phone, “and it appeared as if it had been snagged on an underground cable or some kind of projectile. We think the sweater eventually worked itself free, allowing her to float to the surface."

“Was my friend’s information helpful,” Lou asked.

“Very helpful,” Dan said, “But I experienced an eerie feeling each time I reminisce about the conversation with that man.”

“His gift is genuine,” Lou said.

“That man I spoke with on the phone,” Dan said, “has never accepted monetary compensation for his service.”

“He never does,” Lou said, “he talks to a lot of law enforcement agencies on the phone and to average people in need throughout the week. But he never takes money from the people he helps. He told me that the more he helps others the more they help him refine his gift.”

"I can't explain how he did it," Dan said, "he just knew things he shouldn't have been able to know.”

“Well I wouldn’t have put my cousin in touch with a charlatan for a 20 dollar reading now would I,” he said with humor in his voice.

The information that was given to Detective Morris also led to the arrest of Julie Houston’s boyfriend who pleaded guilty to second degree manslaughter in Julie’s death.

"I still don't have a lot of faith in Psychics, and I still believe good, honest work is the best way to solve a crime or find a missing person. But there's no arguing this man had some kind of gift. There's just no other way to explain it,” Dan said to Julie’s parents.

Dan called Lou on the phone after the judge sentenced Julie’s boyfriend to fifteen years in prison for Julie’s death. Dan and Lou’s conversation once again turned to Lamont.

“Perhaps those spiritual gifs are nothing more then what we are evolving to. Perhaps some people are more spiritually developed then others. Maybe those gifts are part of our genetic makeup but we just never took the time to develop them further,” said Lou.

“I believe his gift is real, because I experienced it first hand, and I find it a bit unsettling every time I think about it,” Dan said, “But I am glade he is out there using his gift for the service of others. Altruistically as you would put it or as you would describe his gift.”

“We can judge a person’s true worth by what they give to others,” Lou said, “not by what they charge for their services. My friend has a genuine gift because it is freely given but at the same time what he gives to others is retuned to him in greater fold. When we give of ourselves abundantly we gain an abundance in life.”

Lamont Fargo still has his bouts with depression but since he has been going out of his way in helping others, he has remained out of the hospital. His anonymity is still being protected and the people he helps have never learned his name or location.

He is still going against the advice of his Psychiatrist to remain on his medication. He told his Doctor that the medication dulls his Intuition and that he needs to develop his gift further in order to connect with others.

Without his bouts with darkness he never would have discovered the light or as Lamont would describe it, “my Intuition.”

He now understands that his life long struggle with depression has helped him, “I am more sensitive to the small still whispers of the soul.”

The strength he needs to overcome his depression has also helped him understand his ability to help others overcome their difficulties and the overall strength of the human spirit.

“Helping others is my way of refining my gift and they in turn give me a purpose to continue on in life.”

With love,
Thomas F. O’Neill