Consider This

By LC Van Savage

Here are Mongo’s and my plans for giving to our grandchildren this year at Christmas, and yes I still say “Christmas” because all this PC stuff is getting to be a great bore and way, way out of control. Personally I think because some observe Christmas or Hanukah or have any other beliefs or religions or even none at all, that they are not at all disrespectful of every other doctrine out there.

Anyway, this year Mongo and I decided that instead of purchasing a whole huge pile of junk things to see smashed all over the floor on That Morning, we’d offer all the grandchildren a couple of choices. 1. – We could buy them a huge pile of junk to open, or 2. - give them a couple of small gifts and one really big important thing, something they’ve always wanted. They went for Part 2. We have majorly smart grandchildren.

Dylan (8) asked for a huge monster Lego thing that’ll take him about 11 minutes to put together. Perfect. Sister Zoë (4) wants a huge box filled with realistic certain sized plastic animals, farm and wild, plus some surprises. Easily done. Darby (7) has asked for a Game Boy and 2 Game Boy Games. Perfect. Jordan (8) wants a day trip to the mall with me after That Day to pick out what she wants. Ideal! They’ll all get a good but small pile, we’ll have spent the same amount on each kid but less than in other years, and it won’t be the usual mountain of wasted stuff. We’re feeling great, we’re all done and all is well.

I sent an email to #3 son Paul and his good wife Kate asking what to get their 2 youngest, Tommy (4) and Hannah, (3) and below are their answers;

Kate’s:

“Game Boy games for Tommy, anything Rescue Heroes. Hannah - Barbies, dollies, purse-type stuff. Go cheap for both – second hand Game Boy games are fine, not new ones... and Hannah couldn't care less. Little kid makeup. She's starting early.”

Paul’s:

“Small but immoveable, doesn't make noise, has no pieces, does not have to be put together, can't be lost, easily found when lost, can't be used to destroy any part of the house or any people living here or anything else on our land whatsoever, can't be used as a weapon, nothing messy, does not involve water or any other liquid, nothing gel-like, nothing Playdo-y-like, nothing that will require dialing 911 or emergency calls to a lawyer, carpenter, veterinarian, plumber or electrician, won't stain the carpet, can't get stuck in hair, can't be eaten or shoved up nostrils (or any other orifice,) nothing violent, no guns / bows and arrows / lasers, nothing electronic, nothing requiring batteries, something easily forgotten after a week or so and easily disposed of, nothing that can be turned into a mud-like substance, won't grow or breathe or multiply or need prolonged care, nothing requiring cage cleaning, water replacing or shovels, nothing that requires light or darkness, won't require supervision, can't mark the walls (either by rubbing or throwing), won't cause the runs or constipation, nothing edible or even chewable, Brody resistant, (he's a dog, so can't be blamed too much when [not if] he eats/chews it,) non-toxic, colorless, odorless, indoor and outdoors, all season ready, no annoying wires to undo when getting it out of the box, full refund if desired (no funky gift cards or store credits), something easily shredded when caught in the lawn mower, something I don't have to order or pick up, calorie free, dishwasher safe, won't burn or get too hot/cold, water resistant (waterproof preferred), and can't be broken by the hands of at least a 10 year old (Jordan's pretty strong for an 8 year old.)

”Green or red for Hannah, blue for Tommy. Hope that helps! Thanks! You're most kind! Paul.”

Merry That Day, everyone.