Consider This

By LC Van Savage

Put A Sock In It, Pat

So how’s it going, Pat? Haven’t heard from you much lately. But maybe that’s because you’ve been making such a perpetual @ss of yourself that you’re hiding a little, hoping people will forget.

I won’t forget, Pat. Not me. Not one word. I’ve been closely following your admonitions and accusations. Your words always matter to me. They make a huge impression, just as you’d always hoped, only the impression your words make on me are never good, but instead are unspeakably appalling. Shame on you! Shame!

Are you not aware you are an accomplice to murderers? You don’t think so, Pat? Let me explain. When you get your face and voice into the media, and you do a lot, you say outrageous things, apparently not giving a thought how your mighty words affect people, in particular that heinous group across our country who hate people of color, of different religions and especially those who despise homosexuals. Yes Pat, you truly appeal to those folks already filled with oozing bigotry, prejudice and hate. Oh, the murderer part? Here’s how that works; when you announce that God is punishing all of us by sending horrific natural disasters, taking his protection from us because of our “tolerance” of Gays, then, idiot, don’t you see you are giving permission for those rock slimes to persecute and kill Gays? Or any other humans who do not meet your lofty standards? These low-lifes say to themselves, “Well, Pat says it’s the fault of those people that we are suffering mud slides and tsunamis, hurricanes, fires, starvation and pandemics, so I am obligated to and justified in persecuting and even killing these people. After all, Pat is a man of God, they’re personal friends, so of course what he’s saying is absolute truth. Who am I to doubt Pat? It’s my duty to get rid of those evil sinners. I must save the world. I have to do this. So I’m gonna go out and kill me a ……” Fill in the blank.

So you see Pat, you are culpable. When a human being is murdered because of what he is, or because of h/her sexual orientation, it’s often because you Pat, have given the guy with the club or chain, the gasoline and cigarette lighter, the gun, the rock or knife, total permission.

Do you remember when a hurricane was heading toward some Southern state and you gathered your beloved media about you and raised your fist to the heavens and “demanded” that God turn the hurricane around and go back out to sea? You bellowed, fist and eyeballs upraised, “ I COMMAND you to turn this storm around!” I guess God couldn’t hear over the wind because he not only didn’t turn the storm around, but it totally decimated the city from which you bellowed your commands. Pat Pat Pat, think man! Don’t you know you made an unapologetic ass of yourself that day? Maybe you should have raised the jawbone of an ass to the thundering heavens, you know, like Samson, instead of that fist of yours. Maybe that would have worked a bit better, although the chances of finding the stray jawbone of an ass lying about the streets of that lovely old Southern town on that windy day were probably fairly slim.

Let’s talk about that interminable, infuriating smile on your face. Lose it, Pat. It’s maddening and inappropriate. I mean while you’re ranting about the world coming to an end, and the world’s natural disasters being visited upon us because of our nasty evil ways, you’re smiling! I mean you’re really, really smiling the way normal people smile when they’re gobbling favorite foods, falling in love, or getting that itch scratched on their backs. You’re grinning, Pat. What is the deal with that? Stop it! And while you’re wiping that simpering grin from your mouth, please also close it.