Mikes Place

By Michael L. Craner

All month I have been struggling to find something to write about in my column for this issue, and I kept coming up blank. I suppose it could be spring fever, or perhaps it I because so often in the past I have written about things that have “gotten my goat”. Perhaps because I have already gotten so much off my chest the fires inside have been reduced to a smolder. Maybe it is a bit of both.

Last month I ducked out of writing my column because I had moved, and I’m sure everyone knows what that is like. That total disruption in your life where you gather up all your possessions, (discovering many long lost items), put them in boxes, praying that the movers won’t drop or break too much. The filling of dumpsters of all the trash you seemed to have accumulated over the years, hanging on to because “surely this will come in handy SOMETIME”.

After all that, you finally make the move. Ours was only about 50 miles away. I found it intriguing how we could move from such a tiny place to one perhaps twice as large, and have no problem filling it with all of our “stuff”. Then there is the unpacking stage. Carefully opening each box, hoping against hope that you still have the ¾ collection of dinnerware that you had before, all the time wondering where the hell the TV remote is so you can get the kids out of your hair.

Speaking of which, is it some kind of rule among movers to put every remote control and device in separate boxes, then either miss-label the box or omit the labeling altogether? And all those long forgotten “treasures” that finally surfaced when the packing began seem to have gone underground again as I can’t find them anywhere now.

Anyway, our new home is out of the city, sitting on a ridge overlooking a beautiful little valley, filled with….cows. No roosters to wake you hear, no loud neighbors, just a couple hundred head of cattle which apparently have been getting fed around 6am, and are quick to let us know it. 6am isn’t so early, I get up during the week at that time anyway, but on the weekend, I like to sleep in a little bit.

Even that isn’t so bad out here I guess, because I can get up, walk down the hill and catch a couple fish first thing in the morning. (If the damn things would stay on the hooks!)

I guess I’m pretty content out here now, and I have no real complaints. I suppose when the trees and flowers start blooming I might be inspired to write some more poetry or perhaps a story. Maybe even get back to my book, which would be nice. For the moment though, I need to get my column finished so I can add it to this issue and release it. My procrastination is holding up the issue and that’s not fair to the wonderful columnists and poets who have contributed this month.

Then, just as I am about to finish up, I get an email with a wonderful little poem, which outlines many of the problems authors, and especially our editor, Mary must go through every time a piece is submitted for publication. It is about those nasty little spelling errors, which are not misspelled, but homonyms. Homonyms are those words that sound like the ones we intended, but are spelled differently. These are quite commonly misused in their context, and since they are proper words, avoid detection in most spell checkers. Even a good editor can miss them after reviewing a piece several times.

Mary does a wonderful job though and we usually get all the corrections caught shortly after publication, *GRIN*, when errors become glaringly obvious.

So, without further adieu(sp?)

Spell Checquer

Eye halve a spelling checquer
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue,
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write,
It show me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite,
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am shore your pleased two no,
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
My checquer tolled me sew.

Unfortunately we don’t know the author of this fine gem, but if anyone out there does know, please let us know!