Thinking Out Loud

By Gerard Meister

There are, no doubt, some benefits that will accrue to those of us lucky enough to hang around past our biblical allotment. And I'm not just talking senior discounts or Early Bird Dinner specials, "available all day from 3:30 to 5:30." What I've noticed is that I can say the most outlandish things to the young pups now running the world and get away with it.

Case in point was the day my kids begged me to join the 21st century and get a cellular phone, "so we can stay in touch." I tried to reason with them explaining that during my first twenty years with my mother we didn't have any kind of phone at all and we managed to get by, but they wouldn't hear of it.

That's how I found myself in a cellar phone facility facing a pleasant young man bristling with those obligatory chin whiskers. I must admit the guy knew his onions. He whisked my wife and me through the several thousand models currently available, but recommended only a half dozen or so that, he felt certain, "would more than meet your needs."

"You surf the net?" he asked, when he noticed my eyes glazing up. When I nodded in the affirmative, he asked for my favorite web site.

"Starbucks," I replied, getting into the swing of things.

"Right on! Starbucks is my favorite, too" he gushed, angling the phone towards me as his fingers flew over the dial. "Okay, here's Starbucks, what do you want me to do?"

"Can you check the menu?" I asked, innocently.

"Hey, this baby can do anything," he beamed. "Name it!"

"How much is a pot roast sandwich?" His eyes went wide for a split second and I felt immediately ashamed for having pulled his very earnest leg. It's old codgers like me that give old codgers a bad name.

"Wow, they sell pot roast at Starbucks?" he asked.

I was going to set him straight, I swear. But something about the beeps and clicks of a cell phone connected to the worldwide web addled my aging brain.

"Sure," I answered. "All day from 3:30 to 5:30." �

Epilogue: We did get a phone, but please don't call me. I'll let you know just as soon as I learn how to use it.