Thinking Out Loud - April

By Gerard Meister

I've been actively politically since I was a college student backing Harry Truman, and after forty years of bucking Tammany Hall in New York, you might think that I'd seen every political ploy in the books. And you would have been right until last week when I chanced upon a piece of skullduggery, a dirty trick so nefarious that it took my breath away.

According to my sources, the DNC (Democratic National Committee) has been watching the Kerry/Bush polls closely and so far are quite happy with the way things seem to be going. But if the worm turns and Kerry starts to slip, the Committee has a secret weapon lurking in the wings. And what a weapon it is: they plan to ask Al Gore to come out and endorse President Bush and if that works for Bush the way Gore's coming out for Dean worked for the Vermont governor, Kerry has nothing to worry about (except for Ralph Nader).

The Associated Press broke a real humdinger of a story last month about an incident at the Wal-Mart in Covington, Georgia. Seems that a woman shopper tried to cash a large bill, a million-dollar bill to be exact, but an alert cashier foiled the scam. Luckily the store's video-cam was rolling and the scenario went something like this:
· Clerk: "Your total comes to $1675. 00, madam. How do you wish to pay for it?"
· Shopper: "I have a couple of Wal-Mart gift cards, see if they'll do."
· Clerk: "Well let's see, both cards together have a balance of $2.32, so you're short $1,672.68.
· Shopper: "Gee, I didn't realize I had so little left on the cards, that last batch of bath towels I bought must have put me over the top. Can you cash a large bill?
· Clerk: "Certainly, madam. Gee, a million-dollar bill - I've never seen one before - who's that the picture of on the bill? The guy looks vaguely familiar."
· Shopper: "He should look familiar, that's Colonel Tom Parker, Elvis Presley's manager!"

Needless to say, the poor woman was promptly arrested and searched. She had no weapons but did have a second million-dollar bill in her purse. I hope the poor woman is treated gently by Wal-Mart. Anyone who can spend $1675.00 in one day at a Wal-Mart deserves some respect.?