I am a member of the Human Rights Campaign, whose sole purpose is to strengthen our country through equality, one of the fundamentals America was founded upon. Lately, the HRC has been focused on the rights of Gay and Lesbian and their life partners to be treated equally under the eyes of the law. Recently, November 25th, 2003, with member contributions, the Human Rights Campaign was able to place a full-page ad in USA Today to urge lawmakers to allow marriage licenses for gay couples. These ads were tasteful and poignant, but most of all, spoke about non-traditional couples in a way that expresses just how truly traditional they are.
They also gave the opportunity for those who would like to share the story of their relationships and how they feel recognizing gay marriage would impact society. These stories will be directed to local government representatives for action. (You can find them at hrcactioncenter.org/campaign/HRCAdCenter_story )
And, in true Virgo style, I took it one step further.
I wrote my story, our story, and sent it directly to my Congress Representative, Orrin Hatch. I thought you might like to know my story, too.
My name is Connie Anast and I am a 31 year old Utahn, living in Murray. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a voter. I am also a lesbian.
My story is a simple one, but one consisting of a great deal of love and tolerance of others, in a completely different way.
My partner and I were married in a religious ceremony this past October. Obviously, it is not recognized as a legal union in this state. Our decision to do this was purely motivated by our love and commitment to one another. We didn't do it for tax breaks or for Social Security benefits. We did it because we believed in our relationship enough to make it solidified in the eyes of our God, our family and our community. To me, that is the strength a family should be made of.
I have a 14-year-old daughter, but she is not biologically mine, she is my partner's. I take care of her because I believe her to be my daughter in every aspect. I clothe her, feed her, comfort her, nurture her, plan for her college and future by raising her to be a woman, capable of making positive and lasting choices. I take a parent's responsibility for her well being. But if she were to be harmed, I would not be allowed the privilege of being with her in the hospital or making decisions in her best interests. I am not her parent. Funny, I am everything a parent should be.
I have a partner, a wife, who I also care for, comfort, help and devote my life's work to. We share the responsibilities of a household, of finances, of struggles and of joys together, regardless of our gender. Yet, I am not entitled to be recognized as her spouse. I know her heart and her mind better than anyone else, and yet, I am no one. I am not allowed to be at her bedside in the hospital, or legally claim her body for burial.
We are blessed with employers who recognize our marriage and support it. I am certain that is not the norm in this State.
I am a mother and a wife, and at the same time, I am nothing. My life's work means nothing to the representatives in Congress of the State of Utah. I am certainly glad my contributions will be felt by the people that matter - MY WIFE AND MY CHILD.
You say a legal marriage is between a man and a woman. I say a marriage, a TRUE marriage, is one of love, compassion, honesty, truthfulness, commitment and honor. I dare say my marriage will last a great deal longer than the ones you legally acknowledge simply because our devotion pushes through your legal and moral judgement... and disproves it.
You will never tell me who my spouse can be. Only I can. If you never acknowledge it, so be it. But you will never crush our spirit.
And that, my fellow Utahn, is the foundation of a strong family - the will to persevere. What a horrible thing to acknowledge and support... the power of love.
Reader Comments
Name: Connie
Email: Unlisted
Comment: Clara - thank you! I appreciate your words.
Even if you don't agree with the support of GLBT issues or same-sex marriages, the Constitution is not something to be trifled with. No amendment to the Constitution should, in essence, segregate one group away from another and detract rights instead of grant them. I think it's an abuse of Congressional rights and a mis-use of legislative power.
We're not asking anyone to change their belief systems. In fact, even if you DON'T support gay and lesbian marriages, you can STILL oppose this amendment. What we are fighting against is the act of congress to change OUR CONSTITUTION for a belief, not a truth or to correct a moral wrong. IF THEY CHANGE IT FOR THIS - WHAT ELSE WILL THEY CHANGE IT FOR?
I encourage all to visit the Human Rights Campaign website and see what other, very conservative people, are saying about this amendment http://www.hrc.org/constitution.html.
There is also a link for those who wish to send a messgae to their representatives voicing their concerns about amending the Constitution: http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/campaign/oppose_fma
I think most people would be surprised to learn that both liberals AND conservatives are against this amendment, not because of the sexuality issue, but because of the fundamentals of the Constitution itself. It's a bad move, whatever the reason.
Thanks to my pencilstubs family for your love and support.
Comment: Dear Connie, thank you for an eloquent and timely column. My husband and I have a dear friend of many years who recently "came out." This year her holiday greeting card included a letter asking us to spread the word to our friends and contact our federal and local lawmakers to oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment (H.J. Res. 56). I'm taking this opportunity to ask all sympathetic members of the Pencil Stubs family to let their elected officials know that no American should suffer discrimination for their sexual orientation in matters between consenting adults. To those who do not understand the problems facing members of the GLBT community, I pass on a question posed by my friend: "How can anyone believe that the love and desire for commitment that I feel for her could somehow detract from anyone else's love and commitment?"
