Someday

By M. Jay Mansfield

Someday I want to matter….
Instead of volumes of empty thoughts…
Or days of endless chatter..
Something more than simply bought…
I just want to matter…..

Many days of suicide dreams..
They all have passed me by..
Forget all the peaceful scenes…
I’m not really ready to die….

I screamed from every rooftop….
I moaned each dreadful dirge….
Oh I wish that I could stop…
Be rid of this awful urge…

I am not ready to go….
What mark have I made….
Not a thing to show….
From warrior, mystic, or sage…

How many times have I rushed into the flames….
Or driven the car to the edge….
Many thought I lived my life insane…
Me & death across the line we’d fudge….

Met him face to face a few times…
I’d laugh at him & him at me…
Strange friends on a strained line…
Dancing on a high wire no ground below to see….

But the days turn cold…
And time seems shorter…
I’m not quite as bold…
And I’m not ready to pay the porter….

Bravado leaves the weakened boy…
As time steals days back from the man…
And he thinks back at all he was going to do…
And time is laying rest to his grand plans…

The man starts wondering which thief’s next…
And the boy gets scared to dream….
Not sure if it’s gods revenge or a witches hex…
But he knows that time is no friend…

I Look at the days to come…
Wonders I might miss….
The things I should have done…
And I pray it doesn’t end like this….

So I gather my things….
One more time bravado and spite…
Pray a little magic is left in my wings…
And that I have a few more flights….

I want to be daddy for a real long time…
I want to be annoying to my wife at night…
Loud and obnoxious in a real long line…
I want to go out get bent and get tight…

But most of all I just want a few more tries…
A chance to make a mark that time can’t fade…
Just a few more tries….
A chance to be, a chance to make….

What kind of legacy will there be…
Any stories that I’d care to read?..
Will there be any thing left to see?…
Will any one even remember me?….

And I realize all I really want….
Someday I want to matter….
Instead of volumes of empty thoughts…
Or days of endless chatter..
Something more than simply bought…
I just want to matter….

MJMansfield 11-15-03