Alas, To Muse And Ponder

By Denise

Actions speak louder than words.

You can tell more about a person by what they do than by what they say. People are walking contradictions. People will say one thing and then turn right around in front of you and do another. Sometimes they will surprise you and do the things that you never thought that they would, and sometimes they just sadden you, by not doing the things that you both know that they should.

When faced with another's troubles, I have been fearless. I once stopped a rolling car with a child in it in a parking lot. Don't know exactly how I managed to do that, but I did. Just knew it had to be done. Funny how we can't see the things that need to be done in our own lives. We never rightly see our lives as they actually are. We think we see them, but it is just the image that we have created in our minds. Outsiders do see us much better. They have that objectivity.

I lived in a bad situation and I put up a perfectly convincing front. Found out quickly how to hide different clues that would have let on to the outside world what bad things were really going on in my life. Even had myself convinced at times. Over the years I have become quite adept at hiding pain, sorrow, anger and any real emotions that I have. That has been so bad at times that when I have honestly been sick, people don't believe that I am, because they can't see the pain unless they know me extremely well. I have, in fact, gotten good at repressing all of my feelings so that they do not show on the outside. But anyone watching closely would see the way that certain things would affect me. The things that definitely make me angry, there is a reason that they make me angry. I have been through it.

I projected my feelings onto someone else's situation, and so, my actions betrayed the way that I really felt. Only person I was undoubtedly fooling was myself. Everyone else just accepted it because I worked so hard at making it appear right. Being so afraid of failure I stayed in a hurtful situation, not realizing that I had already failed. But, that is all behind me now. Nothing that can be done about the past but to accept it, learn from it, and move on forward. In the fearless way I came to rescue of others, I am now rescuing myself. Not just words. I am going to show it with my actions.

With the help of the people in my life, it is being made much easier to do just that. I am working on finding my true self again. Over the years, I have learned to be very careful what comes out of my mouth. Want to make sure that I can back it up with actions. Also, it is true to be careful what you wish for as you might just get it. Has happened more than once with me. I have much to learn, but at least now, my feet are out of the quagmire, and they are starting to move on solid ground again. Lesson learned. If you are not learning, you are not growing. Everyone that you meet, has something that you need to learn from them, whether it be good, or bad. Just watch, learn, and most of all listen, so that you can glean everything that you can learn from them. Knowledge is power.

People in your life can say the words "I love you" all day, but the way they treat you, shows how they truly feel about you. Their actions speak loud and clear. Actions are what count. If someone loves you, then you do know it and feel it in your heart. It has something to do with the way they look at you, touch you, and everything to do with the way they treat you. With their words, they may even be saying that they don't love you, but their actions have overridden their words. It comes from a protest within the mind, I think, when that happens. An inner struggle is occurring between heart and mind. The heart is certainly what moves you and makes you do the things that you do. Even if your mind says one thing, it is always best to follow your heart and the voice that comes from within.

I have the great fortune to have people around me who, if they think I am even in little bit of need, spring to my rescue. Don't know that I am worth rescuing, but they are there for me sometimes before I even know that I need help. They know that I need them even before I do. Their actions tell me how much I mean to them. For what is life for, if you can't touch other people's lives? That is the only way that you live on when you are gone, is in the minds and memories of the people that have loved you, and the lives that you have touched. Or the people that don't even know you, but remember that act of kindness that you gave them. You go on. You're not gone as long as you live on in someone's memory and heart.

I have noticed that in times of need or trouble, there are what I call casual acquaintances who will tell you, with good intentions, I am sure, "if there is anything that I can do for you, please let me know." But, if you ask them for help, they have an excuse. Those were just words. Just people being polite. No actions to back it up. You can tell the real people that love you, from the fakes, just by their actions. Your inactions also speak fathoms about your character or lack thereof.

I am doing the best that I can so that I don't have to repeat this life; just hope I have enough time to get it right. Working especially hard on it, so maybe I will be finished on this go-around, and ascend to a higher plane. I am receiving some help with this quest -- people who are showing me different paths, and different ways to think. I'm trying to get to a higher level of thinking. Also trying to treat the people whom I love and care about, as good as I can, and show them how much I sincerely care. Yes, I do use words to do this, but I also back it up with actions.

I have always been a very wordy person. A wordsmith, if you will. I love them. Has always been that way with me. I'm one of those people that would sit down with a dictionary and read it. Pretty pitiful, isn't it? The phrasing of a sentence can be a beautiful thing. You can use words to express your opinion and feelings on matters. They can speak of many things. But, who you are, and what you feel, does comes out in what you do. In your actions, your feelings and your true inner self definitely show. Actions are your reality. If you say you love someone, show it with your actions often, and with as much passion as you feel.

There is a line out of the movie Almost Famous that I fell in love with instantly. It is "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." This is how we should all try to live our lives--with as much gusto, passion, and total abandon as we feel within ourselves. Let it all out. Don't hold it in or try to hide it. Why waste this life with inaction? No use to save it all up. It would just be passion lost. Live each day like it is your last. We, if truth be told, never know. Our lives can change, or end, in the blink of an eye. But if we try to make our inner self match with our actions, then the picture is complete. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, right? So is life. Just something to think about.

Until Next Time

"He who desires but acts not,
Breeds pestilence."

William Blake 1757-1827