Alas, To Muse and Ponder

By Denise

How can people justify the things that they do to one another? It just amazes me. I am in the middle of a separation after being with this person for almost twenty-five years. I am trying to make everything very amicable, and trying to handle it with as much aplomb as I can, but people are already taking sides. I haven't asked anyone to take sides. Don't want them to. I guess that is just human nature. They have to be on one side or the other, and try to find somewhere to lay all of the blame. I am not playing any of their games. I am going to be the same person that I have always been at my core.

In some cases there are children, that are used as ransom, and as pawns. My son is going through this right now. If you don't give me this or that, then you don't get to see the child. Or, no, you can't be around those terrible people even if they are the child's family, and they are wonderful people. I find it is just another way to hurt the other person. Most of the time it is just a power play. How sick is that? Who is that hurting? It usually just hurts the child because they don't get to know some of the most important people in their lives. This is unforgivable to me.

Then there are the really terrible things that people do. What is going on in the minds of these people? Don't know that I really want to know. Evidently they see people as objects or possessions that have no worth. Makes it easier for them to do the terrible things that they do. There are monsters among us. I try not to watch the news because that is all they report. With all of the terrible atrocities being inflicted on other living beings, all I end up with is being depressed. Why do people have to be so violent to other living things? There is something missing in their soul; and most of the time you can see it in their eyes. A kind of blankness if you will. But some of the time it is well hidden. All you have to do is think of Ted Bundy. Handsome, well-liked, charming man who was a wolf in sheep's clothing. You really just can't trust anyone anymore. That is so sad.

I guess I am naïve so here is an example of how bad I am. I went out at 9:30 one night a couple of weeks ago, to feed my cats, and a man approached me in my driveway. Now I live in the middle of a residential section in the middle of town. He gave me his name and the story that his vehicle had broke down, and he couldn't find a way home. Saying that he had already been to the police, and they wouldn't help him, he asked me if I had any money so he could get a cab so he could get home. Being the idealistic one I am, I told him to wait there for a minute. Thank goodness my son was inside the house.

He was watching me through the window. I took twenty dollars, which was all I had and went back out and gave it to him. I heard a noise coming from the house and called out my son's name so this man knew I was not alone. Probably the only thing that saved me. He just didn't know how close he was to getting hurt. He thanked me and I asked him if I could call him a cab on my cell phone, which I had clinched in my hand, and he said no, he was going around the corner to the cab company.

Okay, now to the strange part. Three hours later (I do my shopping late) I saw him again maybe two blocks from my house dressed in different clothes. Don't think it takes that long to get a cab, and where did the change of clothes come from? If you needed help wouldn't you stay in a well-lit area with people around instead of going into a dark residential section of town?

If I think someone needs my help I do my best to help him or her. But it could have ended up being a different story. Maybe he really did need my help, and didn't mean me any harm, but you can't be too careful. And the sad thing is, I know all of this, and what people can do to you, and I did it anyway? Pretty ironic isn't it?

I think the most hurtful state to your mental well-being comes when people that are supposed to love you start seeing you as a possession, or an object that has no feelings, thoughts or emotions. What really hurts the most is when this person who is supposed to be the one person in the world that puts you above everything and everyone else, and you believe loves you more than anyone, is the one doing these awful things to you. When they hurt you, mentally or physically; it goes through your mind that if this were true love, then how could they do such a thing to you? Or maybe this is how it is suppose to be? It is an issue of control. I do not care to control anyone but myself. I always try to consider others feelings, and what damage my actions might do to someone else. I guess that comes from being a Gemini. I look at all situations and problems from every side possible. Kind of like seeing the trees and then seeing the forest. Everything we do affects other people. It has a ripple effect and can be far reaching. Our lives are one big circle, and I want the best Karma that I can build, to be returned to me.

Of course, I also have to look at the flip side of things. Just small demonstrations of human kindness are sometimes the biggest. I first think of this story I heard, and I cannot remember who to attribute it to. A man and his son were taking a walk along the beach one day. Along their walk, they came upon thousands of starfish that had been washed ashore, left on the sand and in the sun, to perish. The little boy immediately started picking them up one by one, helping them back into the ocean. The father said, "Son there is no way to save them all so what does it matter?"

The little - and wise - boy replied, "Well it mattered to that one."

There are many simple courtesies that we can pay people we don't know, that could have a greater impact on them than you would ever realize. Take the person behind you at the grocery store that just has a gallon of milk, and you have a buggy full of groceries. Wouldn't the nice thing be to let them go in front of you? Why make them wait 'til yours is done? Or you are in a traffic jam and there is someone trying to get into the line of traffic. How much longer is it going to delay you to let them out? What happened to holding the door open for people or saying thank you when someone does something nice for you? I think we don't really see these people; or maybe we choose not to see them, as we are rushing around in our busy lives. For then, we might be forced to perform an act of kindness. What ever happened to chivalry? I do not believe that it is dead, and I do still see it from time to time; and I really admire and respect it. Would like for that word to come back into the English language and there be occasion for it be used frequently.

When it is all said and done we do have to trust. If you keep your guard up all the time and never let anyone in then there is no chance for love. One of the greatest abilities we have as humans is to let other people into our hearts and trust them with our love. Even if we do get hurt at least we have experienced it. Well just more ponderings.

"And much it grieved my heart to think
What man has made of man."
William Wordsworth (1770-1850)

Until next time.