Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart

By Leocthasme

You all should know ol' Leo C. here would never be caught dead in Wal-Mart, but then it just might be that some member of the family (would a family member really do this to me?) will insist on a stop to shop and try to convince me that they are saving a buck while they spend hours looking for a buck to save.

Well, just in case something like that happens, I can keep down the family tiffs and just go along for the fun I might have while strolling the aisles of that massive, environmentally catastrophic, creation..

I can grab several boxes of condoms, and randomly drop them in other shoppers' carts while they are not looking. Who knows, it just might happen that one gets by the check out, and ends up at home with one of those Christians who oppose such birth control methods. Can you imagine the screaming and hollering that will follow when they are found, 'I'll never set foot in that devilish place again'.

Now I have accomplished something.

I could stroll around in the House wares department, check out all the alarm clocks, wind up as many as possible and then set them to go off at 5 minute intervals. That could be a fun thing time killer.

While I stroll through the grocery aisles I will diligently look for a dented or damaged can of tomato sauce or juice... My trusty scout knife will finish off the damage to the can and now on my way to the rest room I can let the contents leak out onto the floor.

Just in case I am forced to go to Wal-Mart, maybe I can get by 'family inspection' and wear some old trashy clothes, make sure I haven't shaved that morning and then head directly to the camping department. I'll look for a nice sized tent set up on display. Sit down cross legged in front of it and as other shoppers stroll by I'll invite them in if they will bring along some pillows from the bedding department.

Well, maybe it just might be more fun to open out a sleeping bag and catch up on some rest while the family shops. Would hate to waste time roaming those long wide isles trying to imitate shopping?

The best thing of course, would be to roam the grocery isles and demand of each clerk I can round up, if the tomatoes or lettuce on display were grown in America and if so, where? Or catch a meat department clerk and demand to know where the various packs of meat were cut and wrapped? Of course if I look at some of the packages they will probably say 'Packed in Mexico' or 'Product of Mexico'. The question then to pose, in a very loud voice, is: 'Has this stuff been inspected for mad cow disease?' or 'Has this chicken been inspected for bird flu?'

By now, my family member who has drug me to this 'big box' hell hole of creation, will have become aware of the commotion I have created and fled the store in complete shame of ever knowing me.

Yep! Now I Have Accomplished Something.